[NB: I excerpt these from my letters when I feel the applicability is more general.]

Let me define what a symbol is, as I think it has been a cause of some confusion. When we see Barack Obama on the television, we think all sorts of thoughts: change, hope, freedom, equality, etc. Barack Obama is the *symbol* of these various interconnected thoughts. We could spend all day trying to keep all of the "angles" and connotations of Obama in mind. Instead of thinking "change-hope-freedom-equality-...", we just picture Obama.

On the one hand, it is convenient to do so, and this makes "thinking" possible. On the other hand, we LOSE much information this way. We LIMIT what is true by using a "shorthand". This shorthand converts what is true into something else... which must therefore be false. We then take our symbol of Obama and think that he IS what he symbolizes.

But no! Barack Obama is a symbol. If we think sloppily and mix up the symbol with what is symbolized, then we will be in hell - even if the message is one of hope. We will think that anyone who looks like Obama's opponent is NOT for change, is a racist, is a fool, and so on. Our symbols are the cause of our great difficulties. But they CAN be used differently.

Let us pay attention to our symbols and our quick reactions that seem to spring automatically out of the limited understanding they represent. Frankly, the only truth in our symbols is that they represent our mental laziness. Let us become more lucid by focusing the mind on what it IS that must be symbolized – the rich "background" information instead of the individual "foreground" symbol.

The symbol of Barack Obama is powerful because WE are powerful, because change and hope and freedom and equality are powerful, and because the whole world will ring with the chimes of freedom that we sound today.

And indeed this symbol of a great man tells us not that the work is accomplished, but that there is work we must now undertake together.

Let us now undertake to practice the inversion our symbols as a way of focusing the mind. Once we see that we are dealing in symbols – and therefore that we are thinking lazily – it becomes automatic to want to look beyond them. And in wanting to look beyond them it will be given us the vision to see beyond them. The undoing of laziness will be effortless to the extent that we decide we do not want to be simplistic and false anymore. Want this, and you will be free. Do not worry that the overcoming of symbols is a difficult path.

Universe is governed by principles and we abide by those principles. But every once in a while we get tempted to stray from the ordinary and plunge into the extra-ordinary.

Take Sharmi for example: She’s thirty. Has been happily married for the past two years,or so she insists. Her marriage compelled her to settle down in Pune, which is why I guess, she can never quit talking about Mumbai in that dream-like way.

Anyways for the past six months now, she has been trying to get a point accross to her husband, Sushant. The point being - children. Dont get me wrong. Its not like Sushant does not want children or would not make a great father. He would probably be the sweetest father to have, he is great around kids... and he is longing for some of his own. Sharmi, on the other hand thinks she still has some things she wants to do before she settles down into the cosy maternal bliss.

What follows is her list of ’some things to accomplish before becoming a mother’:

1. World Tour! - Try telling her all humans were born with that dream and she will tell you that she wants to be one of the few, to live it out!
2. Go on a second honeymoon - now that’s more like it! Though why Sushant has never agreed to this demand, I can never tell. Would it not be the perfect opportunity, to kill two birds with one stone? I mean he can see to it that his baby gets MADE on this trip! Well, whatever!
3. Have an extra-marital affair - WHAT??!! She always laughs when she says this one. As if it were the joke of the season! It is only that when you have known her as closely as I have, which is for a good nine years by the way, you can see that the laughter does not reflect in her eyes. which means that somehwere in that mind of hers, the thought is receiving some serious consideration.

Ever since I have heard this bit, I have been dying to tell Sushant to pack his bags and take his wife half across the world, thus, fulfiling part of her dreams and all of his! But being a psychologist, digging deeper into the problem, comes quite naturally to me. Could it be that Sharmi is already bored of Sushant? It does tend to happen in some of the arranged marriages you know. By the time you have gotten to know your ‘better-half’ a bit better, you realise that while getting to know him/her a bit better, you somehow know that things are going to get a bit bitter. Sometimes, the two of you are just not compatible, so compromises and the works leave you feeling more dissatisfied than ever!

Anyways coming back to Sharmi, could it be that Sushant is not quite her dream prince after all!!?? If you have seen Sharmi, she is the sweet girl next door. Always clad in designer salwar khameez, which she insists is a side effect of having lived in Mumbai all her life, and her shy, demure smile, you will hardly think she is capable of all the wild thoughts which cross her mind. She has a collection of travel catalogues, which could put the best of libraries to shame. Stuffed in her cupboard you will find a clipping of her first newspaer article, which she wrote at the age of tweleve. The Headlines read - Sex eductaion should be nade compulsory in schools. In her diary if you read carefully you will find some of the wildest fantasies most vividly described.

Yet, she never dated, never had a boyfriend, and when her parents insisted that Sushant was the one for her - meekly nodded her head and said yes.So an extra marital affair? Didnt quite make sense to me. Had she found someone who lived up to her fantasies? Or was she just tired of a dull life in Pune? I found myself, watching her every move. Every time she spoke to a specimen of the opposite gender, my antennae would go on alert, and I found myself dying to tune in on every bit of their converstaion. Reading between the lines , you know looking for clues and stuff. When she began to notice my prolonged presences and fake smiles, she decided to confront me with it.

What was I to say? I have taken a sudden fascination to hanging around with you? I am lonely and need your company? I think you are having an affair!!?? Well.. hardly! So here’s what I said instead - I like the guys you hang around with!! As if!!

Nine years is a long time, and she didnt buy my theory. Anybody who knew me, would not. I am some sort of a reformed Feminist. Which means though I do not hate the male population and their ways of life, I do not love them either! So with a sigh I dished out the truth. A part of me had really wanted her to go WHAT??!! in that typical way of hers, and say " Of all the things in the entire wide world.." which does happen to be one of her favourite lines. But she stood there, with a small smile curving her lips, and I flet my heart stop beating. She couldnt be!!?? Well why that should shock me, I do not know. As a psychologist day in and day out, I have women craving for more. Either materialistically, physically or emotionally. Yet, when Sharmi had to stand there in front of me, smile and just say nothing... it was like a nightmare unfolding.

Sushant, runs his own software firm. Like every true Indian male - he is married to his work. He is loving, and cares for Sharmi, in his own way. But a woman needs to be told how special she is, she needs to feel wanted. This feeling unfortunately is very difficult for the average man to understand. As long as his wife has the money to satisfy her needs, him in her bed at night, and an occassional pat of appreciation, she should be content for the rest of her life. Which Sharmi had resigned to be...

Until, Vikram introduced her to a world of wine and dine and heavenly pleasusres. Walks in the park, hours of saying nothing but just being there, laughter and mirth.. all things which hapened in Judith Mc Naught novels but were never a part of real life, were now very real for her. For a shot at everything she could have, she was ready to turn her back, momentarily, on something she already had. She turned to me in that cafe, and amidst all the din and clatter she spoke very softly and she said " For once in my life, before I become a mother, I want to feel like a woman..."

I did not know what to say then. Because she did have a right to her shot of happiness and if it was falling right into her lap, well... but according to the set of ethics which rule the world it was so completely wrong. But do we live so that we can someday set an example for somebody to follow or do we live because we have just one life to live and we might as well make the most out of it? There are so many ways to answer this question, who decides which is the right answer?

to be contd...

I have sped across the sky an unbelievable 20(!) times over the past 12 months, and I have another 4 trips to look forward to before December turns to January. Why am I counting? Well, my current carbon footprint has started to weigh me down...
.
But saying that...weighing my bad conscience against my excitement is a tough one... I'm sure, once I have switched continents, I won't be crossing the sky quite as often as one is tempted to in Europe! :)

You see, my last trip this year will bring me back to California. This time to the more Northern parts, more specifically Silicon Valley. However, only for a fortnight this time around. Although I have been thinking about this trip for quite some time, I haven't been able to finalize my plans until very recently. I have found a cheap ticket to LA, and further, in my mind a bargain ticket between LA and San Jose. And, I have, thanks to the help of generous and kind people, found the perfect accommodation for the duration of my stay.

When will this take place? Well, I will set foot in California on Christmas day!!! :)

I'm hoping to get to know the area as I'm planning to park my cases there for a while next year.

Can you tell I'm excited..!!

To be continued... ;)

Sorry I haven't been on in a while. My school's play (West Side Story) opened on Friday, and I performed on Saturday and yesterday, and so haven't had much time for a life for a while.

(PS - our opening night was phenomenal, our last two nights not quite as good, (the first was mostly people's fault, and the second was because of circumstances mostly beyond our control))

I saw the wonderful post Rob created for me in my absence. I had originally intended to reply to each comment thanking everyone for their support, but instead, I figured I would just create a new post with two times the purpose. A small update and a large thank you.

Update: Turns out my dad suffered two more strokes. We're not sure if they were back to back or occured at the same time. What I am aware of, is that I was there to witness it/them. Which is, without a doubt, one of the scariest things a person can watch another person experience. It leaves you feeling completely helpless, which is one of the few feelings I loathe.

He is home from the hospital, and in the next few days I will be moving out of my [cozy] apartment and relocate to my dad's house on Eastern Long Island to help care for him. It is clear that he cannot go back to work, and my step-mom cannot yet retire. I will live there with him until it appears he no longer requires my attention.

Thanks: Words cannot describe how much all of you mean to me. The kindness, understanding, and prayers all of you have expressed for myself, my dad and the rest of my family is more than anyone could ask for. Avanoo is not a community of friends, or even a second family. You are all an extension of me. Like souls connected on more levels than technology alone can hold.

My love for you guys is infinite and unconditional.

For lack of a better word (or lack of 100 better words), Thanks.

Our separation from each other is an optical illusion of consciousness.
- Albert Einstein

Feel like this...

Lift the iron higher and convince yourself
You are beyond weakness (futility).

Convince, convince,
One two, three four,
taking deep breaths.

Now set it down (to rest);
Overdo it
and you might

collapse.

Is love felt or does it rebel to be expressed?
Will to win: Need or Desire?
Emotions make us strong. Or weak?
What truly sparkles a mundane day: Will to win or will to work?
Which is a more precious win: peace or life in bits and pieces?
What is more valuable: A random smile or a million bucks?
Desire to be understood: Foolishness or weakness?